Before, couples would meet in the evening, with no Netflix or phones—they had more sex: modern psychologists view the past differently

Imagine a time before smartphones and streaming services dominated our evenings. Couples would wind down after their day, but instead of flipping through endless TV shows or scrolling through social media, they focused on each other. No distractions—just conversation, connection, and more meaningful interactions. While this may sound like a nostalgic fantasy, many psychologists and relationship experts have begun to explore whether these simpler times contributed to stronger intimacy between couples.

I remember a conversation with a friend, Sarah, who has been married for over a decade. She laughed as she recalled how her and her husband would spend their evenings without the pressure of constant digital interruptions. “We used to actually talk,” she said, “and we were much more spontaneous with each other. It’s hard to even imagine doing that now with kids, work, and our phones always in the picture.”

The Role of Technology in Modern Relationships

It’s no secret that technology has reshaped our lives. According to a 2022 study by the American Psychological Association, 88% of couples report that they feel distracted by their devices, which often leaves little time for connection. The study highlights how the constant presence of technology—particularly phones—can erode the quality of relationships. Whether it’s a scroll through Instagram or a binge-watch session of the latest Netflix series, these activities pull partners away from each other.

One therapist, Dr. Amanda Jensen, points out, “We live in an era where technology keeps us connected to the world but can isolate us from the person sitting right next to us. The presence of devices during ‘couple time’ has a significant impact on physical intimacy as well as emotional closeness.”

This observation hits home for many people. Without the constant pull of technology, there were fewer distractions, and couples might have been more inclined to invest time in each other, fostering a deeper connection.

A Shift in Connection: More Sex in the Past?

While it’s difficult to know for sure if couples in the past had more sex—without the benefit of studies from decades ago—many relationship experts believe that the simpler nature of evening routines did contribute to stronger emotional and physical intimacy. Research from the Kinsey Institute suggests that partners who engage in more quality time together—free from the influence of technology—are more likely to experience higher levels of sexual satisfaction.

Take my own parents, for example. They’ve been married for over 40 years, and when I ask them about their early years, they tell me about the evenings spent talking, cooking together, and then, of course, spending time in bed, just the two of them. Back then, there were no notifications or screens to divert their attention. In their case, the lack of distractions seemed to contribute to a stronger sense of emotional connection—and that, in turn, fueled a more satisfying sex life.

The Paradox of Modern Intimacy

It’s not that modern relationships are doomed or that technology is inherently bad—it’s just that we often fail to recognize the subtle ways it affects our emotional lives. Psychologists note that although we may still be connected in the digital sense, that connection doesn’t always translate into stronger personal bonds.

Take for instance the rise of texting in relationships. While it can feel like a quick, easy way to communicate, it doesn’t necessarily foster the deep, face-to-face interaction that once defined romantic connections. The text-based nature of modern communication often leads to more misunderstandings and less emotional depth compared to the richer, more intimate conversations couples had in previous generations.

Interestingly, modern psychologists like Dr. Evan Williams suggest that finding ways to disconnect from our devices—such as creating “phone-free” zones or setting limits on screen time—can actually help couples regain the intimacy they may feel has been lost in this digital age.

Conclusion: Embracing Balance in Our Modern Lives

While the past might seem like a simpler time, it’s important to recognize that every era has its own set of challenges. We might never return to a time when evenings were entirely free of phones or Netflix, but we can still strive to create moments of connection and intimacy in our busy, tech-filled lives. Setting aside distractions, even for just an hour each day, could be the key to reigniting that spark.

Couples today might benefit from reflecting on the past—learning from the way relationships were built on genuine time together, rather than digital engagement. The key isn’t to reject technology; it’s to create intentional spaces where genuine connection can thrive. If we can manage that balance, maybe we’ll find ourselves making more time for each other, both emotionally and physically.